The thing now with me is very weird.
I have lost the will to show empathy to anyone.
I have lost all emotions; I have become super selfish.
For me, now, punctuations, comma and full stops are more meaningful than they used to be.
Solace for me is now in-describable.
I only love myself and I have lost the will to explore humans more.
I like to live inside my own cocoon and I don’t feel like meeting anyone new.
I don’t know how to differentiate between thinking from heart and thinking from mind.
All this has happened because of 3 things
- 1. Girls
- 2. Parents
- 3. Money
Everything related to all three of the aspects have changed me for good.
- Girls
I don’t get attracted to girls . I don’t trust girls. Girls have made me realise that there is no value of Love & Affection. Care has been mis-used but all these things are old now. I don’t care anymore just sharing with you.
-Parents
I love my parents but I feel they are my responsibility now. The transformation from being under their supervision to taking them under my observation has happened and I don’t like it. I never got time to live. I never got time me time so I don’t know what me time is.
-Money
Money is just a parameter to measure happiness. I don’t feel like working. But for me to be happy , I need money so I tend to just focus on how to get happiness. Money follows because what I do to find happiness is a way to make money only. It’s called being addicted to work.
After all three things said, there are extremes of my feelings.
I feel claustrophobic living in my own house which I love.
I feel claustrophobic when my parents show love to me and when anyone appreciates me.
I don’t know how to take affection and I feel I am a schizophrenic. I always find a reason why the person is showing love. It is getting toxic day by day.
I don’t know what my hobbies are and I can’t differentiate in work and passion.
I don’t know if it it good or bad.
I have started reading Guru Granth Sahib ji just for the reason to find what the hell world is and how to play the game of life.
All the things I love, have now, no meaning for me because I don’t know . I don’t know anything.
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